Hurry Up and Stop

Thursdays are my late day at work.  Instead of my normal 9-5, I work 1-9, closing the library.  While I never have actively liked working that late, especially with the 45 minute drive home, it never actually bothered me.  It gave me a chance to putter around the house in the morning and meet my mother for lunch and I even got in the habit of grocery shopping on my way home when the stores were quiet.

Since the pregnancy, this hasn’t really been the case.  I have a lot less energy.  On a regular work day I am asleep on the couch by 9:30 most of the time.  First I cut out the grocery shopping because I was exhausted at the end of the day.  Then I started scheduling doctor appointments for the mornings so that I was sometimes gone from 7:30AM to 9:45PM.  I quickly got down a routine when I got home:  Walk in the door, start the kettle, put away my purse and coat, put my book on my headboard, get ready for bed, take tea to bed but don’t even finish drinking it before passing out, usually by 10:15.

This morning I didn’t have an appointment and I got to sleep in.  I puttered around the house.  I cuddled the cats.  I took my time.  I got lunch with Mom.  In the car, on my way to work, I started crying.  Why?

Then I realized that part of the problem with my Thursdays right now is that it’s forcing me to go nonstop for 36 to 41 hours.  Think of it like this:  I get to work at 1, work until 9, grab groceries, go home, get to bed at 10:45, sleep until 6, get ready, get to work at 9 (12 hours after I left), work until 5, hurry home, manage a dinner, and then try to spend quality time with Hubby, usually until 1 AM.  I am not saying that there aren’t moments of rest but sometimes five minutes here and there is not enough.

We know that I’ve been feeling run down lately.  The election.  The terrible news stories I see every day.  The fighting.  Those things plus my usual plus pregnancy plus a big disappointment?  It’s a lot.  And I do need a break.  I don’t want to hurry up right now.

I want to stop.

And so, it may be all that I can do.  One thing at a time.  Stop, focus, breath.  Be mindful.


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