Sometimes I worry that I’m going to be a real shit mom. I mean, I’m pretty damn selfish, or at least it feels that way. Maybe it’s just that the world makes me feel selfish. That’s one of the problems with pregnancy. Anything you do that people see as being not for the baby or not in the baby’s best interest is selfish. Coffee? Selfish. Feta? Selfish. You don’t want to breast feed because you have a career you have to get back to? Selfish. Hair dye? Selfish.
But then I think about the cats and realize that I’ll probably be awesome at it.
Truth: Patience is a virtue, and it takes practice.
It is not often that I feel like a saint or even a good person but lately I have noticed that my patience has grown by leaps and bounds. It wasn’t so long ago that I was kicking and screaming every time something happened. Now, I patiently clean up the mess and get on with things.
Since Thursday evening, we’re down a rocks glass, a tea cup, and a plate. The rocks glass was no big deal, as it was cheap, but was a pain because it broke after I was in bed and in a way that spread shards of glass all over. This morning I finally think I got the last of it.
The tea cup was a special cup to me. I bought it a year ago as I present for myself from T.J. Maxx. I had just gotten my new job and wanted a little gift to celebrate. It was a beautiful cup but I didn’t start using it heavily until a couple of weeks ago when I started drinking my morning coffee from it to trick myself into thinking I was drinking more. For a whole year it has been stored on the kitchen island shelf, behind the toaster. When I went to use it Saturday it was broken beyond repair.
This morning I lost one of my vintage china plates. In all fairness, I use my china and I feed the cats on the dessert plates. I started with a complete place setting for 6. I am down to 3 dessert plates. I put the plates out on the counter this morning, went to the closet to get the cats’ soft food, and heard it break. There was only one cat in that area of the house and he was sitting on the island looking suspiciously innocent.
All because of the cats.
But, you know, I’ve kept it together this whole time. Thursday I got up and swept up the mess I could see, saying only, “I am so mad at you right now.” But I was mad about having to get out of my warm bed and find shoes. Saturday I simply took a picture of the teacup and sent it to Mom, asking her to keep her eye open for one. It was hard because Hubby had so many *helpful* things to say, but I took it in stride and went back to my writing. This morning I said only, “What are you doing?” Then I swept it up and went to work.
There is no point it getting upset about a little broken dish. In the grand scheme of things, it’s nothing. In fact, now I have an excuse to hunt for a new tea cup. Maybe I’ll even like this tea cup more.
In Bridget Jones’s Baby they talk about playing the “At Least” game and sometimes that really helps. At least when my favorite night time tea mug slid out of my hand and somersaulted over my head, it didn’t break!
Truth: Sometimes it pays to play the “At Least” game!