Dealing with Deplorable

Most of the time, I feel like I am a deplorable human being.  I feel like I am always being an asshole.  I feel like I am selfish and stupid.  I feel like I am always saying and doing the wrong things.

I suspect that a lot of this is just my inner bitch being a bitch.  I try not to take it to heart.  I tell myself that it’s all bullshit.

I am NOT selfish because I want something for myself once in a while.  In fact, I am really good at sharing.  I feel selfish because I want everyone to have whatever they want but that’s not possible.  So when I take something for me, I feel like I am taking it right from somebody.

I am NOT being an asshole when I stand up for myself or when I say “no”.

I am NOT stupid because I don’t know EVERYTHING.  I am NOT stupid because I can’t pronounce words right that I usually only read.

I’m probably saying and doing the wrong things but in all fairness that’s just because I’m a bit awkward and don’t think before I speak and even when I do things seem to just pop out completely wrong.  Perhaps this is endearing.

If I want to grow as a person and pursue my Big Three, which we’ll talk about probably tomorrow, then I am going to have to be nicer to myself.  And that’s that.

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