The To Do List

I am a huge fan of lists and I love my to do list.  I’ve kept to do lists religiously for years.  They helped me get through college and then through graduate school while working and keeping house and trying to stay on top of everything.  But that’s just it.  I abuse the to do list.  I use it to conquer as much as I use it to remind.

Last night I read an article about how time management and efficiency are kind of ruining lives.  And I get it.  Because it’s after 11, I’m exhausted, and I know that there are things left on my list that  I didn’t get to today so I’m blogging because I figure I can do at least that.

A couple of years ago I decided to live with out a to do list but what I realized was that I was reciting my list in my head.  All.  Day.  Long.  I hated that it was a soundtrack because it wasn’t a solid thing on paper and I went back to my usual list.  I’m always worried that I’ll forget to do something, because I always forget things, and I love the feeling of crossing things off.  I love the feeling of accomplishing.  I love making my life look shiny and under control on the outside.

But this week was rough, you guys.  My lists exploded and I had so much to do and it felt like I couldn’t catch up.  I tried but everything I did was twice as hard as I expected.  By the time I read that article last night I was feeling, well, hopeless.  So today I tried to take a step back.  And now I feel like I let things slip even though I recognize that I did a lot and I need to chill out.

So, do I keep a list or do I let it go?  Do I trust myself to get things done without a reminder?  If I’m being honest, just the idea of ditching my list kind of freaks me out. And I hate what that might say about me.


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