For the most part, I am proud of myself but I also recognize that I am lucky. I have had a good pregnancy so far, just a little nausea and a lot of being tired. That is really nothing. There haven’t been any scares. Everything has been pretty normal. I feel pretty good. I know that I am lucky. I know that I am blessed.
So, I have kept myself going. I get some exercise every morning. I make a point to do my hair and make up and try to look nice for work. I have thrown myself into proving that I can do it all. I work hard. I work hard at work and I work hard at home and I make a point to make myself play too. There is something in me that drives me to do it all and look like I have it together.
Some days I come home exhausted and disappointed and frustrated. But some days I come home and I cannot help but feel like I am a bad ass. Look at how much I have accomplished in my life. Look at how hard I have worked. Look at how far I have come. I am not stupid enough to think that I did it all on my own but I am smart enough to recognize that I have worked hard and that I deserve these things.
One of the things that I have been trying to learn is how to love myself fiercely. A term I came across online was “radical self love”. I want to find my inner peace. I want to have balance in my life. I want to love myself unconditionally. And I am working for these things.