Taking Care of Myself

In my real life, I talk a lot about how important it is to take care of myself but I can’t say that I ever actually follow through with it.  I don’t do too poorly.  I try to get my sleep and exercise, try to eat decently enough and take my vitamins, let myself take a step back when I need it.  But I can’t say that I actually do well either.  I have a tendency to put other people’s wants in front of my own and run myself a little ragged.

So when I got pregnant I told myself that now I really did need to take care of myself, whatever that means.

On the other hand, I also decided that I wasn’t going to let myself be “one of those people” who used pregnancy as an excuse.  I was going to get my work done and keep my head in the game.  I was going to see my friends and keep up with my husband.  I was going to keep it together.

Where am I at with all of this?  Well, I’m taking okay care of myself and I am mostly keeping up.  The real problem is that I am not actually taking care of myself very consistently.  Do you know why?  Because I feel bad.  I feel bad if I have to tell Hubby that I’m going to bed on midnight on a Friday because he is still up and going.  I feel bad when I am out with friends and I have to drive 45 minutes home and I need to go because I can barely keep my eyes open.  I feel even worse when someone suggests that I “just need some coffee.”

Last night one of our friends told me that I was a real trooper for hanging in there so long and I felt so good about that.  I am trying and it is so nice to be recognized for it.  I felt grateful for it because a lot of time Hubby acts like I am being a baby.  I don’t need much, but I do need my rest and I do need to eat when I’m hungry and sometimes I just need someone to let me know that that’s okay.

I did not sleep well last week, an average of 6.5 hours a night.  Today I feel wretched, tired and spacey and out of my element.  I need to take care of myself and I need to not feel bad about that.

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