You may recall that one of my goals when I started this blog was to live a happier, more positive life. This is still one of my goals but today I want to talk about something that has really been bothering me.
Sometimes, I don’t want to be positive. And I think that’s okay.
In recent years, I have really managed to rein in my emotions. When Hubby and I fight, I always try to be the one who is calm and willing to forgive and forget. When something is stressful in my life, I try to put on a smile, roll up my sleeves, and just get on with it. When I am sad, I find a way to distract myself. When someone hurts my feelings, I always try to be the bigger woman.
Recently I’ve noticed a flaw in all of this. I never get to FEEL the things that I’m actually feeling. I’m hardly even acknowledging the feelings before I make myself move on and find something to do. I’ve been allowing myself to feel things, even just for a few minutes. I’ve been speaking my truth, telling people when I am hurting instead of pretending everything is fine.
Some people have a hard time with this, though. They love me and they want me to be happy. They don’t want me totting around a bunch of negative feelings right now when things are supposed to be so happy. I get it. I know they love me and that they mean well. I just want to feel my feelings because my feelings are valid and I’m allowed to feel them.
So, yes, I am hurt when my cousin plans her son’s birthday party for the same day and time as my shower and then invites me to it. I am stressed out about work. I don’t appreciate being talked down to. I am allowed to be worried about the prospect of a c-section. I feel these things and I am allowed to, that doesn’t mean that I don’t know that it will be alright. It doesn’t mean that I need to let things go over and over again when someone treats me shitty.
I have feelings and they matter. Thanks for putting a positive spin on things but just let me feel for a bit too, k? k.