On Ownership

As often happens to me, I feel that I am living my life and moving right along.  Then one day I look around and realize that I have not been living my life at all.  I feel like I am at the bottom of a pool, looking up through all of the expectations and pressures and comments and bullshit and the surface looks a long way off.

It’s times like this that I have to set about taking ownership of my life.

What do I mean by ownership?

I mean: Acknowledging how I feel about things.  Dealing with my feelings about things.  Figuring out what it is that I WANT.  Figuring out what it is that I NEED.  Getting the things I want and need.  Making changes to make my life happier and better.  Freeing myself of the judgments of others.

That’s where I am right now.

You know, I realized the other day that pregnancy is funny and I want to be funny about it.  I feel like I’ve lost my sense of humor though because every time I turn around someone has something to say.  They have something to say about the size of my boobs or about my food choices or about what I should or shouldn’t do.  It’s been so annoying.  And now that this is almost over (6 days!) I can’t help but feel that I missed out on it.  I let other people ruin it for me.

It’s easy to think that now is not the time to get my life together.  It’s easy to think that with the baby coming and the extra recovery from the c-section and all of the social pressures of being a new mom with a pretty excited family.  But now is always the time.

Now is always the time.

So, I’m starting today.  I am going to own my shit and own my life and I am going to work on living it my way.  Wish me luck!

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