The Calm and Cultivation

I feel so much better today.  I went home early and took my nap yesterday and then I loaded up my car with donations for the Goodwill.  I moved my sewing machine downstairs and started working on getting the bedroom and office back from the tunneling.  It feels so good to get things done.  It really is one of my favorite things.

I had a non-stress test this morning, which was described as “beautiful” a number of times, and a doctor’s appointment.  We met with the doctor who is scheduled to do my c-section on Monday.  What a difference between doctors!  Last week we met with a different doctor and he was very pro-c-section.  He told us not to bother because Ian wasn’t going to flip and I probably wouldn’t want to have him vaginally anyway because he has a big head.  Today’s doctor, who we really like, insisted that there was still time and that I need to do my yoga and keep trying.

On Monday, we’ll go to the hospital and have another ultrasound to see where he’s at.  If he’s still breech, we’ll proceed with the c-section.  If he isn’t, I can decide if I want to continue or wait for natural labor.

It’s a hard decision to make.  I never wanted a c-section.  I wanted the full experience of this, my one pregnancy.  I didn’t want to stay in the hospital that long.  I didn’t want the extra recovery.  There was a time when I didn’t even want an epidural.  But now I can kind of see the benefits of the c-section.  It will be done, over with.  No labor.  I’ll have my baby finally.  I don’t know if I can wait longer now that I have accepted it.  We have a hard time waiting for things around here.

And it’s almost silly to worry about it because at the end of the day he probably won’t flip.


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