I think that I talked a bit while I was pregnant about how I was feeling kind of lost, like I was in limbo and my dreams were on hold. Since I have been home, I have had a lot of time to myself and a lot of time to think. Now that I am settling and the weather is looking up, I’m thinking even more.
First, I love being a mother. I love the shit out of this little guy and I cannot even imagine what my life was like without him.
I want to, sometimes, give right into that suburban motherhood that seems somehow glamorous to me. I want to jog and do yoga and drink frapacinnos and such. I know that it’s a really base idea, very generalized, but I am ready for that.
I also want to be an artist and an individual, a little weird and very intellectual. I want to have cocktails and dinner parties.
I want my big old house and I want to write and I don’t want to go to work anymore. I want to keep bees, maybe, and cook and bake and create and dream and wander.
I want so much.