Things I Want

I think that I talked a bit while I was pregnant about how I was feeling kind of lost, like I was in limbo and my dreams were on hold.  Since I have been home, I have had a lot of time to myself and a lot of time to think.  Now that I am settling and the weather is looking up, I’m thinking even more.

First, I love being a mother.  I love the shit out of this little guy and I cannot even imagine what my life was like without him.

I want to, sometimes, give right into that suburban motherhood that seems somehow glamorous to me.  I want to jog and do yoga and drink frapacinnos and such.  I know that it’s a really base idea, very generalized, but I am ready for that.

I also want to be an artist and an individual, a little weird and very intellectual.  I want to have cocktails and dinner parties.

I want my big old house and I want to write and I don’t want to go to work anymore.  I want to keep bees, maybe, and cook and bake and create and dream and wander.

I want so much.

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