Over a decade ago, I used to work with a boy who I was in love with. We were, in fact, in love with each other. We made each other mix tapes. We read each other’s books. We e-mailed almost every day. We went for long walks. We talked about deep things.
One of the deep things that he told me was about robots. We were discussing whether or not we existed one day and I made some feeble argument, something along the lines of “I think therefore I am” but a lot more wishy washy, I’m sure. He told me about robots and AI and how the way that they programmed things to seem human was layering reaction on top of reaction. If something so simple could make AI seem human, how could we be sure that we weren’t just programmed?
I’ve been thinking about this conversation today. Here I am on my longest staycation ever and, yes, there are things that need to be done but for the most part my only real job is making sure that LM survives. Feeding and changing and loving don’t take up alllllll of my time. And so I have filled it with a program, a list and rules and schedules, until I have driven myself mad.
I told myself to chill today and I did. It was a great day. Only when I woke up from an accidental two hour nap I felt the need to rush rush rush and complete my program. I had to remind myself, just now, to chill.
I am not a robot.