It’s been a week.
My FIL has been in the hospital all week. I’ve been worried about him and worried about Hubby. My in-laws are also my childcare providers 4 days a week which means we’ve been scrambling to make things work. Hubby has stayed home. I’ve stayed home. My mother took LD an extra day. LD is teething and also not feeling well and probably misses his grandparents, so he hasn’t been in the best mood though he has actually been really good but terribly whiny. I had to have my blood drawn yesterday, an appointment that I finally made it to on the third try. Then this morning I got the stomach bug that has been making its way around work. Add to that the work stress. Our building is currently getting some updates that has the whole place in a state of ordered chaos and has made my department way more popular than usual. Since I had to take yesterday off to be with LD, I’ve pretty much sat at my desk and tried not to puke all day while helping a large volume of people.
So, it’s time to confess. I smoked this week, though less than usual. And I drank this week.
Here’s the thing about drinking: I like to do it. I like to get a little drunk with Hubby and listen to music or play games or just talk about all kinds of things. I like taking that step out of the norm. I like that it makes stupid things funny. I like that it gives me a break.
I don’t like feeling like shit the next day. I don’t like how old it is making me. I don’t like how fat it is making me. I don’t like that I know that it’s kind of becoming a problem. Or, really, it already is a problem.
Ideal: Two weeks to completely dry out. Bonus: Won’t smoke if I don’t drink.
Proposed: No drinking on school nights. A Friday and Saturday activity only.
I know that this is going easy on myself but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Sometimes life is hard and you have to go easy on yourself. Nobody else is going to give you a break.
Also, maybe spend some time thinking about what I mean when I say drinking gives me a break…